A wonderful new age is upon us. For a few months this year, when the planets align and the moon is at its fullest, there will be a time when Topman won't just be stocking photocopied basics, only bothering to alter the colour settings, avoiding what has fast became crasswalk rather than catwalk.
With the opening of a lovely new Topman in a lovely (!) new part of Eldon Square, this means a wider range of clothes than the cooker of a Topman with the annoying stairs which we already have at our disposal.
This is the iten to which my main lust is focussed. I doubt i'd wear it anywhere other than the beach, but still. I rarely go to the beach, but still. I'll look like a rookie superhero, but still.
This hot mess of a jacket is perfect. Because sometimes, I like to pretend i'm James Dean. Or just someone cooler than myself.
Ever since i was a young warthog, i've been obsessed with tying my shoe laces. Sometimes, i do it several times a day. In Primary school, i used to sit behind the girls with the longest hair and braid it for them. I was one of the early metro-sexuals, a founding member of the County Durham Pre-Metsexualite Movement. I was not gay. I longed for my mother to have the courage to send me into a den of pedophiles so i could learn how to tie knots like only the best scout leader could.
I wear clothes. Everyday.
Sometimes, i even wear two layers.
So, with me clearly in mind, Topman/Lens have paired my two hobbies together, clothes and knots, in this fantiestic blend of the two.
I don't know if i rate this checked mess very much. But i have a shirt and a scarf in the same pattern which i think would look pretty god damn fucking fly, motherheffers. I'd be an optical illusion even Escher would be jealous of, i'm sure.
The biggest challenge of this decade has been the feminine connotations with a jumpsuit. I've tried to hurdle them myself, but ended up looking like a failed, flailing drag queen at best. But now, a new age is upon us. Sir Philip has commissioned the answer.
And the answer is 'The Boiler Suit'.
(I really want to comment on how baggy, shapeless and messy it all looks. But i'm going to refrain because i'd quite like one)
Some Videos Which May Cause Death By Dangerous Eff, You and Enn-ing:
There's this new film coming out. Are you following this? In which Michael Cera seems to spend most of it semi-dressed, playing an awkward teen. I know you're following now. There's this program in America where the stars are usually semi-dressed, living out their Jersey Shore dreams. You don't have to follow the last bit. But i'd rather you did, d-bags.
Jersey Shore meets Michael Cera:
Some Pictures of a Boy That May Replace Ash Stymest as the apple of my eye will follow...